One of the first things a newly bereaved parent will feel is support....or do they?
Upon the loss of a child, the level of sympathy a mother receives, unfortunately, is dictated by how old the child was. For instance, a mother whose baby was lost prior to birth may not be met with the same response as a mother whose three year old has passed. But to each mother, their child has died.
Far too often, when the casket is closed and the cars leave the cemetery, so does the support. This leaves the grieving family to suffer alone. Not only has their grief failed to have been validated, but now, their loss has disappeared from the minds of even the closest family.
It is not the death that bereaved families want to be remembered, it is the life that their child once lived ~ for however long it was.
A mother immediately falls in love the moment she realizes that she is pregnant. The life growing inside her is not a cluster of cells or "product of conception", This is her child. For weeks or even months, she has loved and nurtured that child within the walls of her womb. But, sadly, well meaning family and friends do not understand this simple and truthful concept. Because the child did not take it's first breath, that baby, was only a loss ~ not a child.
I have witnessed far too many families as they feel alone in their grief. Some of which have had to grieve in private, forced to be silenced because of a lack of understanding or compassion. Ignorance, at times, can create a deeper wound during periods of loss.
I was fortunate when we lost both of our babies. I had one friend that brought food over and spent hours on the phone with me sharing as she recalled her personal loss. When we lost our daughter, I was overwhelmed at the support....and it continued. My mother in law, who lived five hundred miles away, made it her personal mission to call me at least once a week (if not more) for the first six months. Her calls did not stop until she was sure I was back on steady feet. She never made me feel that I should "move on" or "be thankful I still had two other children".
But for other mothers, this is the life they have lived. One with cruel remarks, disappointment that they have not moved on, and a necklace placed around their neck that says, "damaged goods". My heart breaks for these families.
So, as I sit here this afternoon, I pray silently for those families who have suffered ~ alone. The devastation of losing a child or a baby cannot be measured by our actions or our words. Time cannot even demonstrate our level of grief. As a family member to those that have suffered a loss, I encourage you to reach out to the mother, the father and the siblings. It doesn't matter how old that child was. Remember that a mother's grieving heart can have many faces whatever the age of her child. Minutes, weeks, months....years.
Upon the loss of a child, the level of sympathy a mother receives, unfortunately, is dictated by how old the child was. For instance, a mother whose baby was lost prior to birth may not be met with the same response as a mother whose three year old has passed. But to each mother, their child has died.
Far too often, when the casket is closed and the cars leave the cemetery, so does the support. This leaves the grieving family to suffer alone. Not only has their grief failed to have been validated, but now, their loss has disappeared from the minds of even the closest family.
It is not the death that bereaved families want to be remembered, it is the life that their child once lived ~ for however long it was.
A mother immediately falls in love the moment she realizes that she is pregnant. The life growing inside her is not a cluster of cells or "product of conception", This is her child. For weeks or even months, she has loved and nurtured that child within the walls of her womb. But, sadly, well meaning family and friends do not understand this simple and truthful concept. Because the child did not take it's first breath, that baby, was only a loss ~ not a child.
I have witnessed far too many families as they feel alone in their grief. Some of which have had to grieve in private, forced to be silenced because of a lack of understanding or compassion. Ignorance, at times, can create a deeper wound during periods of loss.
I was fortunate when we lost both of our babies. I had one friend that brought food over and spent hours on the phone with me sharing as she recalled her personal loss. When we lost our daughter, I was overwhelmed at the support....and it continued. My mother in law, who lived five hundred miles away, made it her personal mission to call me at least once a week (if not more) for the first six months. Her calls did not stop until she was sure I was back on steady feet. She never made me feel that I should "move on" or "be thankful I still had two other children".
But for other mothers, this is the life they have lived. One with cruel remarks, disappointment that they have not moved on, and a necklace placed around their neck that says, "damaged goods". My heart breaks for these families.
So, as I sit here this afternoon, I pray silently for those families who have suffered ~ alone. The devastation of losing a child or a baby cannot be measured by our actions or our words. Time cannot even demonstrate our level of grief. As a family member to those that have suffered a loss, I encourage you to reach out to the mother, the father and the siblings. It doesn't matter how old that child was. Remember that a mother's grieving heart can have many faces whatever the age of her child. Minutes, weeks, months....years.